Behind Closed Doors: My Evening at a Private Club

Reading time: 10 minutes

The heavy mahogany door in the courtyard of an East Side townhouse has no sign, no bell, just a discreet brass knob. When my sugar daddy knocked three times briefly last month, a butler in livery opened it, and behind it lay a world I had only read about in magazines. Exclusive private clubs in New York can't be booked on Google; they exist only through personal invitations and memberships that sometimes cost $25,000 in initiation fees.

In this article I take you behind the closed doors of elite events and show you how I got access to high society events as a sugar baby, which dress codes really apply and what to expect at private soirées in New York. You'll learn concrete details about members' clubs that you won't find anywhere else.

How do I get into exclusive private clubs: the invisible door to high society

Access to exclusive private clubs works by an unwritten set of rules. Unlike ordinary bars or restaurants, you can't simply reserve online. According to a 2023 Statista survey, there are around 180 registered gentlemen's clubs and private members' clubs in Germany, but the truly exclusive ones appear in no statistics.

My first visit to a members' club in a converted Gilded Age mansion, one of the best-known in the city, happened through my daddy's invitation. He has been a member for eight years and pays $12,000 in annual dues. The waiting list for new members currently has 47 people on it, as the club manager told me over an aperitif. Every prospective member is recommended by at least two existing members and goes through a discreet vetting process by the selection committee.

The second route is through luxurious soirées to which established members may bring guests. This is exactly where my chance as a sugar baby lies. While I could never afford the initiation fee myself, accompanying my daddy opens these otherwise closed doors for me. What matters here: you have to be able to move confidently in this world, otherwise you stand out negatively and endanger your companion's reputation.

Dress code for elite events: what really counts

On my first evening at the private club I wore a black Escada cocktail dress that my daddy had given me a week earlier: $2,400, bought at Saks Fifth Avenue. I thought that would be enough. It was, but only just. A woman at the next table wore Cartier earrings that, according to my later research, were worth at least $18,000.

The dress code for elite events differs fundamentally from what applies in ordinary clubs. Here are the concrete rules I learned:

• For women: cocktail dress or evening wear at knee length or longer, high-quality fabrics like silk or cashmere, understated jewelry from recognizable brands (Tiffany, Bulgari, Van Cleef & Arpels), closed-toe pumps with a heel of 4 inches at most
• For men: dark suit from Boss, Brioni or Tom Ford, white shirt, tie or bow tie depending on the occasion, polished leather shoes from Church's or Crockett & Jones
• Generally forbidden: sneakers, jeans, conspicuous logos, loud colors, necklines that are too low, skirts that are too short (midi length is the safe choice)
• Perfume: understated and high quality; I wear Chanel No. 5 in the eau de parfum version, one spritz at most

A 2022 study by the German Fashion and Textile Industry Association shows that average per-capita spending on clothing in Germany is around 800 euros a year. In the world of exclusive private clubs, that is the budget for a single outfit. Luckily my daddy supports me financially, an aspect I also talk about openly in my article on the honest numbers as a sugar baby.

Attending private soirées in New York: my experiences behind closed doors

The room was bathed in warm candlelight. About 35 guests were spread across Chesterfield sofas and Art Deco armchairs. At the bar stood a sommelier pouring a 2015 Château Margaux at $850 a bottle. Nobody spoke loudly; the conversations were hushed, cultivated. A pianist played Chopin on a Steinway grand in the corner.

Such luxurious soirées usually take place monthly, sometimes also on special occasions like art auctions or private previews of new collections. In March 2024 I attended a private jewelry presentation by Wempe where pieces worth a total of $3.2 million were shown. Only 28 invited guests were allowed to come.

What really counts at these high society events is not showing off but discretion. Phone use is strictly forbidden, photos are taboo. I learned to make small talk about art, travel and cultural events without ever talking about money or prices. One guest mentioned in passing his villa in the Hamptons, with no details, no bragging. Another woman spoke of her collection of contemporary art without naming artists or values.

The unwritten rules of elite events

After seven visits to various members' clubs, I've developed a feel for the unspoken rules of conduct. You don't greet anyone effusively, but wait until you're introduced. You never ask directly about jobs or wealth. You drink alcohol in moderation; I stick to two glasses of champagne per evening at most. You never leave the room without saying goodbye, but you also don't say goodbye to everyone individually, only discreetly to the host.

The German Knigge Institute (Germany's etiquette institute) confirms in a 2023 publication that in elite circles in particular, mastering nonverbal codes matters more than perfect etiquette knowledge from books. It's about bearing, about the ability to hold back and be present at the same time.

Getting access to high society events: practical strategies

If you want to get access to high society events as a sugar baby, you need more than a pretty face. You need a partner who is already established and seriously wants to bring you into his world. Not every arrangement automatically leads to such invitations.

My tip from personal experience: show real interest in the culture and lifestyle cultivated in these circles. I've taken art history courses at a continuing-education center, regularly visit exhibitions at the Met and MoMA, and read the Wall Street Journal and the Financial Times so I can join the conversation. That costs me about four hours a week, but it pays off.

On platforms like MySugardaddy you'll find sugar daddies from different social classes. Not everyone has access to exclusive private clubs, but successful entrepreneurs, doctors or lawyers often move in upscale circles. In your profile and in your first message as a sugar baby, you should subtly communicate that you are interested in culture, art and the finer things in life, without coming across as desperate or materialistic.

Members' clubs in New York: concrete tips and insider knowledge

New York has one of the highest densities of exclusive private clubs in the country. Besides the mansion club I mentioned earlier, there is a historic artists' club downtown that has existed since 1868 and today counts around 450 members. The initiation fee there is $5,000, the annual dues about $3,600.

A business club in Midtown is another hotspot. Here mostly entrepreneurs and investors meet for business dinners and private networking events. The club accepts only 200 full members at a time, and the waiting list is long. I was a guest there twice and each time was asked to hand my phone in at the coat check, a sign of the absolute discretion that reigns here.

In the Financial District, in the middle of the banking quarter, there is a club with no name on the door. Only those who know the address find their way there. Private soirées take place here four times a year, open exclusively to full members and their guests. On my last visit in January 2024, a menu by a three-Michelin-star chef was served: eight courses, accompanied by wines from the best Bordeaux châteaux. The evening cost my daddy $1,200 per person.

The role of a sugar baby in this world

As a sugar baby in exclusive private clubs, I move in a dual role. On the one hand, I am my daddy's charming, attractive companion who makes him feel desirable and successful. On the other, I represent his status: my demeanor, my clothing, my conversational skills reflect directly on him.

That means I can't simply be myself the way I am in everyday life. I have to play a role without it looking like a role. Paradoxically, authenticity is the result of careful staging. Finding that balance took me months. By now I actually feel comfortable in this world, but I always stay aware that my access is tied to my relationship with my daddy.

What this world has taught me

After a year of regularly attending luxurious soirées and elite events, my view of wealth and success has changed. I've learned that true exclusivity is quiet. The loudest people in the room are rarely the most successful. The truly wealthy guests don't carry logo handbags but tailor-made one-offs without recognizable brand marks.

I've also learned that this world is extremely small. In New York perhaps 500 to 800 people regularly move in these circles, and they know each other. A faux pas can spread quickly. That's why I place the greatest importance on digital anonymity and discretion, both online and offline.

At the same time, I've experienced a certain disillusionment. Behind the heavy doors and expensive champagne bottles there are also just people with their problems, insecurities and longings. The difference is that they can suppress their worries with better means.

FAQ: frequently asked questions about exclusive private clubs

How do I get into exclusive private clubs as a sugar baby?

Access comes exclusively through an existing member, usually your sugar daddy. You can't sign up yourself or show up at the door. Show genuine interest in upscale culture, invest in a suitable wardrobe and learn the unwritten rules of conduct in high society. Platforms like MySugardaddy help you find partners who already have access to such circles.

What does membership in New York private clubs cost?

Initiation fees range from $5,000 to $25,000, depending on the club. Annual dues range from $3,600 to $15,000. On top of that come spending costs at every visit; expect at least $200 to $500 per evening for drinks and food. As a sugar baby you are normally invited as a guest and don't have to bear these costs yourself.

What dress code applies at elite events?

For women: cocktail dress or evening wear in muted colors, high-quality materials like silk, understated designer jewelry, closed-toe pumps. For men: dark suit from brands like Boss or Brioni, white shirt, tie, polished leather shoes. Avoid conspicuous logos, athletic wear, loud colors and too much skin. Understatement is true luxury.

Are there rules of conduct at private soirées?

Yes, and they are strict. Phone use is usually forbidden, photos are taboo. Speak quietly, never introduce yourself but wait to be introduced, don't ask about jobs or wealth, drink moderately, and say goodbye discreetly only to the host. Show interest in art and culture, but never brag about your own knowledge. Discretion is the first commandment.

How do I find sugar daddies with access to high society events?

When searching on MySugardaddy, look for profiles that mention interests like art, classical music, fine dining, wine tasting or travel to exclusive destinations. Successful entrepreneurs, doctors, lawyers or real estate investors often move in upscale circles. In your first message you can subtly communicate your interest in cultural events without seeming demanding. Patience pays off; not every arrangement immediately leads to private club invitations.

My conclusion: privilege with responsibility

Access to exclusive private clubs and luxurious soirées has taken my life as a sugar baby to a new level. I experience things that remain closed to most people forever. At the same time, I carry a responsibility: I represent not only my daddy but also other sugar babies who may want to walk through these doors in the future.

If you dream of this world yourself, invest in your education, your manners and your appearance. Be authentic in your interest, but strategic in your presentation. And above all: stay grounded. This world is fascinating, but it isn't everything.

The heavy mahogany door on the East Side opens for only a few. But if you bring the right preparation, one day it can open for you too.